Everyone says winter is the impossible month to wake up early, for me it's just never true, I always have problems with sleep but not to wake up, Commuting to office is one of my favorite pass time of the day.
When i told HR guy that i need to travel 2 or some times 2 and half to reach he looked at me like a crazy person. That expression on his face still makes me smile. And he is even more surprised when i refused a cab service, or my odd choice of working hours.
Today is just like any other day, but bit more foggy . Homeless men and dogs are still sleeping in their respective dens. It is a 10 mins walk from home to the bus stop, I always take a short cut, not to reach early but to blend in darkness. For me the light makes me feel unsecured . Not only this i have born with so many abnormalities ,in normal language crazy things. I am not a social bird. For me cage is what i crave. I was diagnosed with a strange mental condition at 6 which makes me feel uneasy with people, I can not communicate with people easily, I can not touch anyone, Can not handle loud noises etc etc simply i am not a guy who you want to be friends with or to be with.
When everyone thought i am a lost cause, My mom never gave up she keep pushing me towards the impossibilities, I still remember her pleading every teacher in school to let her sit in class with me ,so that i wont be distracted, It is her that made me complete my graduation , to let me earn my own bread. Simply i took her life to create my life. She lived my life, my fears, anxieties, my tears, my outbursts.
She is one hell of a woman who never know the meaning of failure. Even at this age she is working with a NGO to help kids like me, like she never had enough of this rubbish. I always want to thank her , but never found any words even could not able to look her in the eye, touch her hand.
Yeah these are the trail of thoughts that i start everyday with, My bus is there in its regular place, I even know the driver schedules and they too familiar with me hence the last isolated seat. As my company is not a typical IT company this bus has all genders, all age from all departments. Though we travel in the same bus, I never saw anyone in the company.
I even familiar with the passengers of this bus, the stop they are going to start. Their preferred seats,
the way they gonna seat, the do gooders, the pretend gooders, the bad the ugly.
But i always cherish one stop, where two girls gonna hop in with all the morning freshness. One girl always dresses in pastels or some other divine colors, smiles a lot makes conversation with everyone. She is the one that every one in the bus waits for. She even tried to talk with me, On her birthday. When I refused she forced which led to my breakdown followed my one week absence from work. So every time whenever she looks at me she had that guilt , for which i can never forgive my self. She is like a morning bird that chirps for a simple joy and make everyone sing with her. She is the angel for the two hours of the whole bus.
And the girl next to her always dresses like she want to hide from everyone, there is always sadness in her eyes (though i never saw) She talks very less. She is rude some times, Generally with ear plugs in her ears banging some music lost in her whole world.
So this is me always lost in thoughts. Coming to present Driver is not the regular one and in bad mood by the way he looks. Seems like bus is also in bad mood as it refused to start, after alot cursing from the driver it finally started, Day started,
First stop happiest middle aged couple, working for this company from almost 20 years, always argue about which son of their needs them. Today also same story
Second stop : single not single girl, Lives in her cellphone.
Third stop: My life over middle aged man , argues about politics always end up proposing a change for the entire system though it never starts with him.
Fourthstop: Every girl flirts with me guy, I am ugliest girl in earth girl
Fifth stop :Angel girl and undefined girl.
Suddenly there is chaos, Our bus hits a lorry, Everyone is screaming , there is blood, I could not feel my limbs or any other organ in my body , My shirt filled with blood don't know it is mine or some one else's . I searched for the girl , Nobody is looking like anybody i know, i managed to crawl under the seats, The girl always sits in the middle row, I saw her i pod with a stain of blood , she should be some where near, she is there finally stretching her arm to reach me , I don't know why but i reached for her hand, I felt secured for the first time in my life, Finally i saw her eyes looking deep into mine.. Though with all the pain i managed to say "I see you".
Story of a guy who found everything he needed , but at the end
Posteded this on https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/331908-i-see-you
