Everyone says winter is the impossible
month to wake up early, for me it's just never true, I always have
problems to sleep but never to wake up, Commuting to office is one
favourite passtime of the total day.
When i told HR guy that i need to
travel 2 or some times 2 and half he looked at me like a crazy
person. That expression on his face still makes me smile. And he even
more surprised when i refused a cab service, or my odd choice of
working hours.
Today also just like any other day, but
bit more foggy homeless men and dogs are still sleeping in their
respective dens. It is a 10 mins walk from home to the busstop, I
always take a short cut not to reach early but to blend in darkness.
For me the light makes me feel unsecured . Not only this i have born
with so many abnormalities ,in normal language crazy things. I am not
a social bird. For me cage is what i crave. I was diagnoised with a
strange mental conditioan at 6 which makes me feel uneasy with
people, I can not communicate with people easily, I can not touch
anyone, Can not handle loud noises etc etc simply i am not a guy who
you want to be friends with or to be with.
When everyone thought i am a lost
cause, My mom never gave up she keep pushing me towards the
impossibilities, I still remeber her pleading every teacher in school
to let her sit in class with me ,so that i wont be distracted, It is
her that made me complete my graduation , to let me earn my own
bread. Simply i took her life to create my life. She lived my life,
my fears, anxities, my tears, my outbursts.
She is one hell of a woman who never
know the meaning of defeat. Even at this age she is working with a
NGO to help kids like me, like she never had enough of this rubbish.
I always want to thank her , but never found any words even could not
able to look her in the eye, touch her hand.
Yeah these are the trail of thoughts
that i start everyday with, My bus is there in its regular place, I
even know the driver duties and they too famailiar with me hence the
last isolated seat. As my company is not a typical IT company this
bus has all genders, all age and all department. Though we travel in
the same, I never saw anyone in the company.
I even familiar with the passengers of
this bus, the stop they are going to start. Their preferred seats,
the way they gonna seat, the do
gooders, the pretend gooders, the bad the ugly.
But i always cherish one stop, where
two girls gonna hop in with all the morning freshness. One girl
always dresses in pastels or some other divine colors, smiles a lot
makes conversation with everyone. She is the one that every one in
the bus waits for. She even tried to talk with me, On her birthday.
When I refused she forced which led to my breakdown followed my one
week absence from work. So everytime whenever she looks at me she had
that guilt , for which i can never forgive my self. She is like a
morning bird that chirps for a simple joy and make everyone sing with
her. She is the angel for the two hours of the whole bus.
And the girl next to her always dresses
like she want to hide from everyone, there is always sadness in her
eyes (though i never saw) She talks very less. She is rude some
times, Generally with ear plugs in her ears banging some music lost
in her whole world.
So this is me always lost in thoughts.
Coming to present Driver is not the regular one and in bad mood by
the way he looks. Seems like bus is also in bad mood as it refused to
start, after lot cursing from the driver it finally started, Day
started,
First stop happiest middle aged couple,
working for this company from almost 20 years, always argue about
which son of their needs them. Today also same story
Second stop : sigle not single girl,
Lives in her cellphone.
Third stop: My life over middle aged
man , argues about politics always end up proposing a change for the
entire system though it never starts with him.
Fourthstop: Every girl flirts with me
guy, I am ugliest girl in earth girl
Fisthstop :Angel gile and undefined
girl.
Suddenly there is choas, Our bus hits a
lorry, Everyone is screaming , there is blood, I could not feel my
limbs or any other organ in my body , My shirt filled wih blood dont
know it is mine or some one else's . I searched for the girl , Nobody
is looking like anybody i know, i managed crawl under the seats, The
girl she always sits in the middle row, I saw her i pod with a stain
of blood , she should be some where near, she is there finally
stretching her arm to reach me , I dont know why but i reached for
her hand, I felt secured for the first time in my life, Finally i saw
her eyes looking deep into mine.. Though with all the pain i manged
to say "I see you".
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